With arms wide open

Heard this old number at the hairdresser today. Listening carefully to the words gave me goosebumps all over. Very aptly, it conveys our exact sentiments of ardour, wonderment, fear and self-questioning.

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything

With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

I'll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open....wide open

The day our lives changed

Friday night. Interview with The Vampire was on telly. I usually would stay away from any dubbed films because I find it weird watching or rather, listening to the strange German voice-over which somehow or rather is gonna bastardize the original sense of the film in some ways.

But it IS Interview with The Vampire. One of my fav films. Hence, despite the flinching and eye-rolling, I sat glued to the small screen. When Tom Cruise was back again and going on and on about giving Christian Slater the second chance he never had, I took my cue and got ready for bed, unaware that this particular night had something up its sleeves for me. For us.

Feeling wetness between my legs in the middle of the night, I woke up and hurried to the loo, embarrassed that I might have peed in my sleep. After a few checks, I wasn't so sure anymore. Did my water just break? Yes yes, I am talking about the impending arrival of our precious cherub. Ten months ago, to be exact.

I peeked at the watch. 4am. I woke the man.

The man: Huh?
Me: I think my water broke. (That seemed to drive away all the sleep from his eyes.)
The man: Are you sure?
Me: I dunno but I think we should go to the hospital just to be sure.

We made haste to freshen ourselves up, change, grab the bag and hop into the car. Despite the rush, we were both surprisingly calm. For a reason. We half expected to be told it's a false alarm and we'd be sent home in no time.

Of course we were wrong.

My water indeed broke but there were no contractions. That means no real action for the moment until the labour pain started. So we waited.

I was warded naturally in the delivery ward. Not such a great idea. Imagine the screaming, howling, moaning, shrieking of the other preggers in labour all coming at you while you tried to wait in peace and calm. Peace and calm, my ass! The stomach was in million knots, the hands clammy, the breathing short, the mind in turmoil: Would I be tough enough to go through what these women are going through? I was seriously SCARED.

The cherub however was in no hurry to make any appearance. But other babies seemed to have a different idea. The ward was filled up so quickly that day I had to be moved to the normal ward to play the waiting game. Phew, no more screaming to add to the already mounting anxiety.

We waited and waited. The poor man was so exhausted from lack of sleep. Yet he stayed by my side all the while (except for loo and ciggy breaks), not wanting to miss out anything.

By Saturday evening, the contractions still didn't wish to rear their heads. Back in the delivery ward, the doc decided to give me an injection to induce the labour. With bated breath, the contractions gradually began. The initial labour pain was tolerable as I was still able to walk along the corridor as advised by the midwife. With the help and support of the man, I walked with gritted teeth when waves of contractions came and went...

I had no idea how long the walk lasted and there I was, already lying on the bed in the room. With waves of excruciating labour pain hitting me over and over again and the intervals becoming shorter and shorter, I lost awareness of the comings and goings around me. The man tried to make the pain bearable by massaging me. I pushed his hands away. I just needed to hold on to him and clawed at him while in pain. He, meanwhile was beside himself for not able to be of help to me in any way. But like I reassured him afterwards, his presence and moral support was more than enough for me.

I was kicking myself for not saying yes when the midwife asked earlier if I needed epidural. It didn't hurt that bad then. Her timing was way off lah! Why couldn't she ask me like much later and I would have immediately said yes. I wanna punch her! Oh yes, you wanna punch everybody when you were in my shoes. Silently, I kept asking myself (no more strength left to even talk!) how long more will this be? I can't take it anymore. Just give me a shot or just KILL me and put me out of this misery right now!!! I don't wanna give birth anymore! Ow ow ow x infinity!

I moaned, screamed, cried, howled, shrieked like I never did before in my whole life!

Finally I was led into the delivery theater. Now the pushing began. The labour pain had in fact zapped out every ounce of energy in you and yet you were still expected to use whatever trace of strength left in your body to push, push and PUSH! Apart from the breathing method, it is not unlike taking a dump. You just had to push harder. A lot, a lot, A LOT harder than even when you were constipated. At some point, I thought the blood vessels in my brain were going to explode any second from all the pushing and screaming. And with no more intervals now, the radiating pain kept coming and coming and coming...

In the midst of it all, I vaguely heard the midwife saying to the doc, 'A little tight, isn't it?' The next thing I knew was the doc making a cut at my down-there. In case you are wondering, the cut was nothing at all compared to the labour pain. In a heartbeat, a warm gush slipped out between my legs. All the din in my head ceased. The contractions stopped. Followed by a silence. I was a tad bewildered and looked around me. The wailing ensued soon after. That's when I realized that warm gush was my little one. I have given birth to my daughter.

I always thought I would cry when they hand me my baby. I didn't surprisingly. When I first held her, I thought (still think) she's the most beautiful thing in the world. She enchanted me, us. We couldn't take our eyes off her.

A total of 9 hours of labour pain and now we are a family of three. A mommy friend once said, all the pain is worth it once you hold your baby in your arms. How true.

The cherub is quite simply our pride and joy. The warm rush of love we have for her is never-ending. We will never trade her for anything else in the world. We are very happy to have her in our life and will do anything for her.

She is our gem.

An apple a day

Woohoo! I finally got hold of the new iPad 2 many days back after the long wait. And I must say I absolutely heart the gadget! It is sleek and sexy. It is incredibly light and fast. The graphics are superb. Watching movies is a pure joy. It feels great just holding it in my hands. And of course I can use it as and when I like without having to wait forever for the slow start up like my lousy lappie.

I am a very happy peep.

Which also means I have been spending most of my free time playing with the toy. Books are left forgotten. Blog is not updated. The sleep becomes even more deprived. (I am really not complaining!) Online shopping has never been easier (and faster). And the man for the time being plays second riddle to the widget. Hahaha... Not that he is complaining lah. It is a gift from him after all. I think we both regard this latest tablet as my necessary evil. An irresistible necessary evil. Heh.

Fret not however, the cherub still remains the precedence over all things.