Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Yule Tree

My first christmas tree.
My first real christmas tree.
My first real white christmas tree.

The tree, with its foliage scent, has no doubt upped the festive mood at home a few notches higher. Lights out, except for the lights on the tree, I finally understand the true significance of silent night and even appreciate the peacefulness. A complete dissimilar kind of mood from the one in Singapore. What a difference a tree can make. I love it.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

WTF?!

It's official. I suffer from the winter blues. I had it the same time last year but I put it down as homesickness: missing my friends, missing the festive mood in Singapore etc. Now the blues hit me again! WTF??!! No wonder the suicide rate goes up at this time of every year. It fucking sucks, having no control over my emotions. Mr R can testify to that. At the moment I am the biggest bitch he has ever met on this earth.

Some say it is all in your head, think positive and you will feel better. I say, fuck you. Easier said than done. I tried and it didn't work. So leave me alone.

Then there are some who say, it is Christmas. It is the season of giving. Be nice. I say, what has it got to do with you? Who wants to be nice anyways? Nice is boooooooooring. I will be nasty and mean for all I want. At least I didn't kill your cat or eat your dog. My middle name is 'Difficult Bitch'. Didn't you know?

Come some smart alec who say don't use such coarse language on your blog. It is not necessary. I say, whatever I write on my bloody blog is none of your bloody business. Nobody asked you to be here in the first place. Don't like what you read? Just too bad. GO AWAY.

Are those people on top of the bloody induced-hibernation project?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Keep jammin!

Some so-called DJs can't even work on a turntable. These kids are rocking good.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Revelation from palm-reading

Many years ago someone read my palm and revealed that I do not have a career line. Great, just what I wanted to hear, especially at a time when I was dreaming of climbing the corporate ladder. Yes, I can be quite ambitious even in my unassuming way. In any case, I dismissed that revelation and chose to believe 'my fate is in my own hands'. Subsequently, my palm was read numerous times by some friends or acquaintances. And the verdict is always the same: I have no career line. Though I tried very hard to ignore it, at times I have to admit the revelation does ring some truth in it. Just look at the journey of my career.

The longest I have stayed on in a job was in an insurance company. I spent 5 years there. Thereafter, I landed 2 jobs which I loved but didn't last too long unfortunately. I got axed from one during the SARS episode and the company was downsizing due to the bad economy then. However I have this nagging thought at the back of my head that that might not be the whole truth. Let's just say I didn't see eye to eye with my ex-boss then. The second company I worked for was sold to a private businessman and hence there was a huge shake-up in the whole of Southeast Asia. I wasn't spared from it. Prior to this particular job, I applied for another position in the same company. I didn't get it. And when they had another job opening again, I didn't give up, applied for it and was finally hired. After my retrenchment a kind ex-colleague called up one day that there was a vacancy in the sales department and that I should give it a shot. After some convincing, I went for it even though it wasn't my cup of coffee. And amazingly, I got the job. My first day back in the company, a colleague came up to me and teased, 'We just can't get rid of you, can we?' I was stunned. I didn't know how to respond to that comment. I gave him a weak smile. He didn't mean it in a bad way, I am sure of that. But I was plagued by that remark. I couldn't help dwelling on it afterwards: am I too persistent or, in other words, too thick-skinned? That was the last I saw of him after I left the company. Again.

Not a very remarkable CV there but certainly a colourful one, I must say.

Now here I am, recovered from last week's disappointment and wondering if I am indeed shackled to the prophecy of not possessing a career or if I will be freed from these chains and be able to determine my own destiny through my sheer persistence or thick-skinnedness.

You never give up, do you? - The Way We Were

Friday, December 7, 2007

Being chewed up and spat out by the rat race

I am a panda bear. Sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes all due to a job which I have applied for. A company was looking for a team assistant who can speak Mandarin and English and to co-ordinate production in China. I seemed to fit the bill. From the day I sent my resume till the day I got to know if I was choosen, the whole job applying process took almost 6 weeks. A whole 6 Weeks!!! My goodness! And I thought the germans are well-known for their efficiency. Well, apparently not on this aspect.

Two weeks after my resume was emailed out, no sound, no nothing from the company. Impatient me, therefore, emailed them again if they have indeed recieved my application. Again, silence for another week. I gave up. They must have found someone. The very next evening, while I was deep frying my shrimp paste chicken wings (with deep fryer now, therefore sans splattering oil), the company called to arrange for an interview in a week's time. My hands were shaking so badly after I hung up the phone. Mr R had to carry on frying those wings instead. My very first job interview in german!!!! What if I screwed it up because my german is not as good as they expected?? What should I say during the interview??? What should I wear? For a long time that evening, I couldn't calm myself down..

I chose not to shout to the world about it because I didn't want to jinx it and what if I didn't get the job. That would be awkward.

One day before the interview, though I slept badly, I was surprisingly sedate. However, it was an entirely different picture during the interview the next day. I was a total nervous wreck. Everyone could hear it from my trembling voice. My german was a mess. All grammars and vocabs forgotten. Rehearsed lines went out of the window. My teacher would certainly cringe in shame listening to me. Nevertheless, the interviewers (all 3 of them) were friendly and tried to put me at ease. After almost 1 hour of accessing me, I was told to wait for their decision. The rest of the day went by with me feeling tensed.

My tension didn't ease up in the following days. The endless waiting is torturous: waiting for that phone call (which would be a good sign), or that email or letter (a bad sign). I was as uptight as a stretched catapult. I couldn't get myself to focus on doing anything else. I didn't really cook, I put off writing assignments given by my teacher, I put off blogging, I had no desire to msn or talk to friends. And all because of one bloody job!!! And the worst part is I let myself get swallowed underneath it all. I hate it when I have no control over things. I am such a control freak, you see. At times, I sadistically wished for a negative answer so as to put an end to all this tiresome and unnecessary waiting.

I saw their email in my inbox today. Bad sign. A fleeting moment of denial made me hesitate for a few seconds before opening the email. And yes, they have decided on someone else. Now I am trying to grapple with the bitter disappointment while consoling myself: it was afterall my first interview in Germany and I seriously couldn't expect too much from it. It would be quite a miracle if I got the job, considering how I screwed it up. Anyhow, I can continue to be my old bumming-self and not have to wake up for work when the sky is still dark. Friends envy me for that. At least that thought brings a small smile to my face.

There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
- Jane Austen

Friday, November 23, 2007

My domestic side

I have never taken an interest in baking all this while. Even though I have helped Mrs R Senior with her x'mas baking or some other confections on several occasions, baking still doesn't appeal to me. Trying to motivate me, she kindly offers to get me a professional mixer. Besides, her son has a sweet tooth. Hence her eagerness for me to take up baking. I didn't take up her offer of the mixer. Yet. Though I wonder if she would change her mind when I ask for the expensive Kitchen Aid Mixer. Hehehe...

Once I needed my fix of curry puffs badly. I searched on the net for recipes and most ask for the curry puffs to be deep fried which I try to avoid at all costs. Deep frying means splattering oil all over the kitchen which also means I have to clean up after that. Too much work for a lazy pig like me. Eventually I found one which uses puff pastry. 'Cool, I can just stick them in the oven, no sweat at all,' I thought. How wrong was I... I discovered I had to make a dough, leave it in the fridge for several hours, take it out, roll out the dough, fold it back into a square, roll out and repeat the whole process again for, like, 7 or 8 times. The repeated rolling out and folding in result in wafer thin, crisp and flaky pastry. At once, I regretted taking up the challenge. Doubtless, the end products were some fairly tasty curry puffs. But again too much work. I am just too spoilt by the readily avaliable curry puffs back in Singapore. Afterwards, stupid me found out I can buy ready-made puff pastry in the supermarkets. From then on, my rolling pin is collecting spider-webs in my kitchen drawer. That is the furthest I went in terms of baking.

Few days ago, someone wrote in her blog about her attempt in tiramisu. Ever since I have been craving for it and was actually toying with the idea of making one myself. A german friend who is famed for her tiramisu claims that it is an extremely easy dessert to prepare. Though she didn't share her recipe when I asked how she did hers.. Oh well, who needs her when I have the net. Anyhow, taking her word, I made up my mind to embark on the tiramisu task today. The recipe I decided on requires everything to be, basically, mixed together. How hard can that be, right? Especially when no dough and baking are involved. Well, wrong again. I realised with exasperation that I had to beat (with my bare hands!) the egg yolks and then the cheese cream until the mixture has a smooth texture. (Where is my Kitchen Aid??!!) Then I had to 'beat the egg whites until stiff'. Huh? What? How to beat egg whites till stiff? I had to stop in between and google what that meant. It means, in essence, till the egg whites become white and foamy. Why can't they use simple, layman terms? Next I had to 'fold' the egg whites into the cream mixture. How do you 'fold'? Folding is a gentle mixing method. You use the folding technique to gently combine light and airy mixtures, like beaten egg whites with a heavier mixture, such as whipped cream into a batter. For example, when beaten egg whites are folded into a batter, it is done so they will retain as much of their volume as possible. Folding also traps extra air in the batter blah blah blah.. Sigh... Okay, at least I learned something there.

Anyways, to cut long story short, I churned out a mixture which resembled very much of tiramisu. Verdict from Mr R: A tad too much cognac and espresso, otherwise it is very palatable. My verdict? I think I did pretty well for my first effort. I am going to have some of it again before hitting the sack. Absolutely sinful but who cares.

Friday, November 16, 2007

She sees red

What do you do when a good friend calls you up that she has driven through the red lights and she will be fined 12 demerit points out of her current 24 and if she could use your points instead? The rational behind this phone call I received today is I do not get to drive back home, hence, I should be able to afford giving up my points. Do you agree to help? Me being me, I refused flatly because I do not want to. She has to somehow learn her lesson, doesn't she? But apparently, my dear friend didn't take very well to that because when asked if I should call her back after my lunch, (I was in the midst of eating while she called) she replied, 'There is no need lah.'

Later on I smsed her, explaining my reasons: I find it unfair that someone else has to pay for her carelessness. If I were to help her out this time round and should it happen again, no worries, there would always be me. And she might never learn from the mistake, would she? Regardless she likes it or not, she has to be responsible for her blunder. Whether she is just upset over losing her points or she is mad that I didn't extend my helping hand, I do not know because she didn't reply to my message.

I am gonna just leave it at that and I will not apologise for not helping. Just too bad her good friend is a straight talking one. Putting myself in her shoes, I know I would not be going around asking for demerit points since it's clearly my own fault and I should be the one paying for it. Period.

Hibernation rules!

It is now cold with snow falling every now and then. Days are frigid and short, turning dark at 4:30pm. One sleepy glimpse of the grey gloomy sky every morning or rather, most noons, results in me snuggling happily under my warm covers, refusing stubbornly to get out of the bed. The dreadfully wet and cold weather makes me want to sleep on and on without needing to wake up. I am secretly grateful that I am a bummer who does not have to get up early in the morning to go to work. I am in a hibernate state all day long with absolutely no desire to step out of the aparment. My most strenuous activity these days is cooking in the kitchen. Otherwise you would find me sitting on the couch with blanket wrapped cosily around me, watching TV, surfing the net or typing away like now.

Also, with the cold, I snack incessantly in-between meals. I am always HUNGRY!!! Damn it! Goodbye healthy eating, hello snack junkie!

If only I could hibernate through the coming even-colder winter! During which, I would wake up every few days to grab a bite or go pee. By the time my hibernation ended in spring, I would be very thin and starving which suited me just fine. Who needs dieting and working out anymore when you have hibernation!

Technically, human hibernation is not impossible. A toddler of 13 months wandered outside her family home in Canada. The outside temperature was -24 °C. When she was found, her heart had stopped beating for two hours and her body temperature had fallen to 16°C. She was pronounced clinically dead. In October 2006, a Japanese man was believed to have been in a state akin to hibernation for three weeks. He had fallen asleep on a snowy mountain after an accident and claimed he had only woken up after being discovered 23 days later. Doctors who treated him believed his temperature had fallen to 22 °C during that period. Both made full recovery after the ordeals.

There are also many research projects currently investigating how to achieve induced hibernation in humans. I am optimistic that a breakthrough will come very soon in the near future. It'll then be: goodbye winter, hello my sleeping holiday!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Bigger Person

Diana Saw, a lady who used to be a highflyer in a multi-national firm, left her job after sick of being a wage slave. She went travelling and found herself ended up in Cambodia one day. The stark poverty of the Cambodians shocked and humbled her. There and then she decided to set up a business to provide people with jobs that pay them fairly. She believes having regular income gives people hope and a sense of the future. With her own savings, she started a small workshop to produce original, quality handmade bags.

Her efforts made me ponder how many of us actually have the courage to leave behind our comforts and earthly possessions, not to mention family and friends, to go help the less privilege in a third world country? Courage alone is not enough. Imagine in the course of your efforts, your supposedly trusted housekeeper stealing from you when you are there in their country with the sole intention of helping their own people. Can you trust them again? How about having to constantly beat off imposters who claim they are policemen or firemen asking for some license fees which is in fact just money for themselves. Some are actual policemen who do not earn much from their jobs. Hence they resort to extorting money from businesses. What about being handed a fake US$100 and you returned the US$75 change plus 2 bags to the conman? Furthermore you have to sort out work politics problems among the workers and worry about their living conditions at the same time. On top of that, you also worry if the business is going to do well, if you can pull this through, you get homesick, you miss the comforts back home... It can be too overwhelming and daunting at times. How do you chin up when things simply just don't go the way it's supposed to be?

It is a very challenging task which requires a lot from a person. A person who is selfless, courageous, generous, extraordinary and has a bigger heart than most people. And Diana Saw is such a person. Despite the difficulties, there she stands resolute in her beliefs and convictions.

My hats off to her.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Madam Butterfly - My first opera outing

Last Saturday I had my first taste of opera. Being an opera virgin, I had no idea what to expect, except for the incredibly high notes which opera singers are well-known for. Before the opera, I also googled what Madam Butterfly was about. Little did I know that Miss Saigon was actually based loosely on Madam Butterfly. Ah, Miss Saigon, in which I sobbed uncontrollably when Kim had to be separated from her child. I silently swore to myself I would not weep during Madam Butterfly. People dress to the nines in the opera and I definitely do not want to be likened to a panda bear with tear-streaked mascara.

After being seated, I was a little anxious if I would enjoy it at all. Opera evokes rather extreme emotions in people. It's either you love it or hate it, there is no in-between, so they say. The first act was basically about the wedding of Pinkerton, an American navy officer and Cio-Cio-San (Butterfly), a 15 year old Japanese geisha. The marriage could in fact be cancelled whenever Pinkerton wished while Butterfly wishfully thought the marriage was binding. The first act was rather flat. Pinkerton and Butterfly sang almost half the time about stars, flowers, sea and so on. I had to stifle my yawns. I was half-expecting something more dramatic like Miss Saigon, which was of course my mistake. Because Miss Saigon is after all a modern broadway musical while Madam Butterfly was written some 100 years ago.

During the second act, I stopped reading the German subtitles and concentrated on the music instead. Surprisingly, I found myself being drawn into the plot instantly. That must be the secret: not understanding what they were singing about. Credits have to be given to the lead singer in the role of Cio-Cio-San. She sings fabulously, her joy in her marriage, her belief and longing for Pinkerton's return and her sadness of being abandoned flow freely through her vocals. While her maid, Suzuki sings equally well, she is more of an actress who amply depicts her grief and despair for her forsaken mistress. She magically conjured pain in me that night.

At times, I felt I was Julia Roberts watching her first opera in Pretty Woman, with tears brimming in my eyes. At times, my toes curled inwards whenever the singers reached those high notes. In one scene Butterfly was waiting for Pinkerton to return. There she stood still on the stage with her back towards us for nearly 5 minutes!! It was most agonising for me as I was badly in need to go to the loo. Talk about bad timing.

All in all, it was quite an experience and I do like it. This won't be my last opera. Nonetheless, my next opera would have to be a very theatrical one because I heart anything melodramatic.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Mrs Miller

On my msn messenger is a picture of Wentworth Miller, the prison break heartthrob who woos many of his fans with his brooding good looks. I got this one day when I was chatting to a recently acquainted s'pore friend on msn:

She: Who is that guy on the picture? Is he your husband?

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... I Wish!!!!!! It's silly but she certainly made my day that day.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The joy of reciprocated love

I saw this clip on someone's blog and I am stealing it.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Our Selfishness

One day my German teacher brought up a topic for us to discuss in class: if you had the money, would you buy a fur coat and why. My immediate response was a resounding no. Think of those poor animals being slaughtered just for human vanity. To my shock, my classmates do not think likewise. For your info, our class consists of me, a Turkish lady and the rest are Russians. The Turkish lady would very much like a fur coat but she would rather not wear it out on the streets for fear of receiving unwelcome stares or even attacks. The Russians have no qualms about having one and wearing it out. It is utterly normal to them. I was incensed! I argued fur coats are merely a luxury and not a necessity. Animals do not need to die because of our want for luxury. During my 'speech', I felt so upright and righteous to have stood up for the poor animals. I looked at my classmates with different eyes and couldn't stop shaking my head, thinking, 'You cruel Russians!'

On the other hand, I was lucky no one broached the subject on shark's fins. Since young till now, I love shark's fin soup to death. How would my classmates look at me if they knew I eat shark's fins? I would be called a 'heartless Chinese!', that's for sure. Abruptly, my uprightness and righteousness vanished into thin air. I am such a half-fucked animal rights activist.

The conclusion of my teacher at the end of the discussion: 'This is all due to our different cultures.' It is not the answer to everything but at least it consoles me a little.

The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Abort Plan

What with mooncakes, chicken curry (with tons of coconut milk), fatty roast pork (a success considering my first attempt!), cheesy pasta, fried rice and fried noodles being incorporated in our diet in the last few days, plus binging out silly at Mr R's cousin's hubby's 40th birthday bash last night, I can almost feel my heart beating slower with its burden of fats coursing down my veins. To make matters worse, I have been sitting on my arse in the past days, watching american series and movies online. I literally swear off watching them on german tv because somehow it is never the same when they are not in their original language. Hence I was (still am) watching them like no tomorrow, making up for lost time and before the website is taken off from the net.

Anyways, I decided, enough is enough. It's time to do something about our diet. We better try to eat healthier though we would not go the extreme way of detoxing by eating only fruits and veggies for days straight because I will for sure faint on myself after just 1 day. First day of my diet plan which is today, mushrooms salad with bread rolls for lunch and dinner. Right after my lunch, a small voice was nagging in my head, I am not full, I am not full! I tried very hard to dismiss it by occupying myself with, yes you guessed it, watching more american series. It helped for a while. An hour later, I asked Mr R if he was hungry. He replied no with a laugh. I bore up my hunger pangs for another few hours.

At last, dinnertime! Hastily, I washed my salad. I wasn't looking forward to just having the salad, honestly, but I was starving so anything goes. Perhaps it was heaven's will, the salad had gone all wilted. We bought it the day before, you see. Mr R suggested to throw it away as it was no longer good to eat. Just what I wanted to hear! Naturally he asked what's for dinner then. He didn't mind driving out to get takeaways. Just then MacDonald's ad came on. I lost all my will power and asked for burger.

While I was ravishing my burger as if I have not eaten for days, Mr R was teasing me about 'my healthy diet' attempt. I had to laugh at myself too. Shame on me! I didn't even last a day! As proven to me on several occasions, I can never survive on just greens or fruits. I know of some people who can! They are amazing. The truth is I am a carnivorous at heart and I should not deny my nature. I am satisfied and happy after my burger as compared to the grumpy me few hours ago. I live to eat. I am definitely no health queen freak. But of course, too much of anything is always bad. The key word here is restraint.

Backup plan: skip in the following days. My skipping rope is collecting dust in some corner, as we speak. I better wake up my bloody idea tomorrow and move that arse off the couch.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
- Mark Twain

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Young Presidents-To-Be

An English film was coming on tv tonite which is very rare in Germany. Hence no matter what I had to stay up to watch it. Since the movie didn't start till late, I resorted to surfing the channels and stuffing myself with mooncakes. I came upon this documentary about primary school students in China. What stopped me from switching the channel was these 2 young boys debating in front of their class if the current class monitor should or should not remain in power. Now, let's call the current class monitor George and the challenger Barack. Barack was arguing that George used authoritative methods on his classmates during his term. Such methods were pulling classmates' sleeves, ordering them to behave etc which resulted their classmates being fearful of him. George retorted that fear induced respect and with respect, his classmates would obey him and his class would be the best and the most orderly one in the school. However, Barack continued to rebuke him the shortcomings of his dictatorship and ultimately George was left speechless.

The documentary then went on to show how the 2 boys, with the help of their parents, prepared their campaign speeches for the big election the next day. The big day came and Barack was the first to go. He impressed his voters with promises of democracy, efficiency and transparency. Next came George. He spoke with promises and visions like Barack. At the last instant before he left his centrestage, George had something up his sleeves: he presented small little cards to his little voters to mark the celebration of the Mid-autumn Festival. Everyone, especially the girls, screamed with delight how exquisite the cards were.

At last, it was time to count the votes. No prize for guessing who won the election. It was George of course. He won them over with his harmless bride.

These 10 year-old kids amaze me. I almost thought I was watching Bush and other presidential candidates campaigning for the election. These kids are way more intelligent than I was when I was 10. Instead of playing, they spend time agonising over class monitor elections and trying to stay ahead of their peers. Times have certainly changed. Children these days face the pressure of doing well in school. Failure in doing so might mean a lesser life than your peers who have excelled in school. Our society in this time and age demand such competitiveness in every aspect of our lives that even little children are not spared of it too. Nobody wants to be lagged behind. As a result, modern parents would send their offsprings to various courses to better their kids so that they have a competitive edge in the game. But for goodness sake, these kids are after all just kids. What happens to 'playing'? Do they not play anymore? Is it right that their childhood comprise mainly of studying and the pressure of conforming and excelling? What about a pure innocent playful childhood which helps form their individual characters and which they can recall fondly later in their adult lives?

In my childhood days, I didn't give a damn who would be my next class monitor. Who cares, as long as I get to play five stones, zero point or football with my classmates. The most important thing in my head then was play, watch tv and play again. Campaigning for class monitor? Huh? What?

Eh, perhaps too much playing as a child because I am now a bummer without a job.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Envy - one of the Seven Deadly Sins

Once upon a time, there lived a sheep on a green pasture near the ocean. Because she often roamed furthest away from her flock, she was called a outlier. With her anti-social behaviour, the outlier had naturally not much friends. Everyday she would wander away to graze on her own and ponder on her own thoughts.

One day, as Sheep was spacing out as usual, she heard an animal coming closer towards her. The outlier turned around and saw a mountain goat trotting towards her. The mountain goat had a smile on her face and the outlier was drawn to her at once. After a few exchange of words, the Sheep realised it was summertime and the mountain goats usually left their high-altitude habitats for mineral licks (in search of nutritional needs).

The outlier and Mountain Goat became fast friends. Sheep was impressed by her new friend because she seemed so worldly and Sheep felt she could learn a thing or two from her. The outlier would let on where to graze for the greenest grass, where to source for the freshest and sweetest water, where to catch the best dawn and sunset, where to find the best place to rest oneself and so on. Mountain Goat was grateful for the outlier's kindness and in return she would relate her adventures high up in the mountains and how to fight off aggressive fellow mountain goats or predators like bears. Many moons passed and Sheep was truly glad she had found a friend at last.

After the initial thrill of discovering each other wore off, the two friends went about their business as before; Sheep would graze on her own while Mountain Goat would explore this new place with her fellow mountain goats. Of course the 2 new friends would find time to catch up with each other every so often. Again many moons passed. Mountain Goat gradually became painfully aware that the 2 of them didn't have many common topics to engage in except in the subject of nutritional needs. The Goat was bored. She was badly in need of some fun which resulted in her spending lesser and lesser time in Sheep's company.

One day, Mountain Goat came trotting excitedly to the outlier and exclaimed in exhilaration she had discovered a pasture nearby with the sweetest grass. Together they rushed to the mentioned pasture. Already other sheeps and mountain goats were there to savour the temptingly sweet grass. Upon seeing Mountain Goat's approach, they begun to sing praises of how clever she was to have found such delicacy and how generous she was to share with everyone. Mountain Goat was very pleased with herself. However, she realised her friend, Sheep, was grazing quietly without a single word a distance away from them. It puzzled Mountain Goat a little but she was just too distracted by the enthusiasm of the others to dwell much on it.

Quite unexpectedly one day, something caught the attention of Mountain Goat: The Sheep was conducting herself in a similar way as the Goat, in the way Goat walked, talked and behaved. Nonetheless, the Goat didn't believe what she saw. She shook herself and blamed herself for being too sensitive. Days after, Mountain Goat couldn't help but continue to observe the outlier. By and by, she was certain it was not her sensitivity at work here but the Sheep was indeed trying to carry herself like the Goat. The Goat was in a perplexed state. She had no idea what to think of it....

Further and further drifted the 2 friends apart. After her discovery, Mountain Goat couldn't bear to be in the presence of the Sheep anymore. The Sheep sensed Goat's distance. Whether she knew why, she showed no signs of it. Sheep's pride also prevented her from bridging the now-widen gap between them.

Moons passed. Green leaves turned to shades of yellow and fell from the trees. The landscape was filled with all sorts of gold. The sheeps and mountain goats planned an excursion to a nearby hill to view the beautiful, golden autumn around them before the goats leave in a few weeks time. Gaily they set off for the hill. Mountain Goat caught a glimpse of the Sheep in a distance and gave her a weak smile. They haven't spoken for months now.

Later, after the oohs and ahs over the fantastic scenery, some started grazing while others just lazed around. Mountain Goat was minding her own business when she casually looked up and caught the Sheep watching her. The Goat was startled by that look. She couldn't put her finger on what the outlier's look meant. Goat mulled it over the whole night and the whole of next day. It finally dawned on her: it was a look of envy. Goat was even more baffled, why the envy? She mulled it over again the whole of next night and day. The rational Goat eventually figured it out that perhaps Sheep had insecurity problems or that she might be discontented with her life. Hence, she would tend to be competitive and could not be happy for her friends if they did better than her. Admittedly, the Goat was always charming and more popular than the Sheep amongst the other animals, the Goat was handsome with her long black horns and her full woolly white coat, she was also very sophisticated and was able to dispense clever advices. Perhaps these were the roots of Sheep's envy. Such conclusions saddened the Goat because more often than not, envy or jealousy tended to ruin friendships. Even so, Goat knew it wasn't her fault to be who she was and she shouldn't feel apologetic about it. Somehow it reminded her of an old friend which was also suffering from the same problems and it was simply too draining to remain friends with her. The Mountain Goat certainly didn't need another one in her life again. She would rather be without friends.

With downcast eyes, Mountain Goat decided it's high time for her to leave and go back home in the mountains.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Legs you want to squeeze, G-Force and Brangelina

Yesterday while I was trying hard to concentrate reading my 2 month-old german newspapers, the postman came. He brought along a parcel from Singapore. Upon opening the parcel, I realised 2 dear girlfriends of mine have sent me mooncakes, Sin Sin garlic chilli sauce, 2 issues of 8 Days (Glenda Chong looks smashing on the cover), and for my birthday (not in another few months' time) a lip gloss and a blusher from Bobbi Brown. I was so overwhelmed with surprise and gratitude that I called one of them right away to express my thanks. No one answered. They must be getting drunk in some clubs. Afterwards I noticed on the right hand corner of the box a stamp that says $102.35!!! I flinched. Hey, that's just too much to pay for a bloody postage! The money could be used on better things like having a good dinner or out drinking and meet new guys or buy the latest cosmetics products which I know they are both hot for. On second thought, I told myself to quit being a nagging bag, accept my gifts graciously and shut the hell up. After all the gifts are meant for me to have a taste of home again.

Without further ado, I stuffed a small piece of mooncake into my mouth. Ahhhh... The lotus seed paste is moist and has a smooth and soft texture, yet it is not too oily nor overly sweet. The sweetness of the filling and the slight saltiness of the yolk complement each other so well that I devoured a whole piece within seconds. Oh... How I love mooncakes... The heck with cholesterol level! We only live once... I have to remind myself to savour these treasures slowly and not raven them in a matter of 1, 2 days.

While stuffing myself silly, I flipped through 8 Days. 8 Days is truly trash but I enjoy every page of it. Because I dig the chinese entertainment scene. Being here in Germany for almost 2 years has cut me off from those gossips of Tony Leung (is he still with Carina Lau?), Andy Lau, Cecilia Cheung, Jay Chou, David Tao etc. I don't even know what are the latest good movies/songs anymore. Yes, I can always google for the latest nuggets of news but call me old-fashioned, I prefer to read them in the magazines or tabloids. It's somehow more exciting and satisfying to hold that glossy publication in your hands and laze back on the couch and absorb each piece of news greedily like a sponge.

Besides, I miss reading in English. Initially, I would buy the imported UK Glamour for 5€. The few times I bought those issues, I also tried to push the 'it's bloody $10' thought to the back of my head. Finally the guilt caught up with me and I switch to the german version of Glamour which costs only 2€. Reading in german requires twice as much of my concentration and my time than usual. It can be such a chore at times. Still I have to admit those german lessons do pay off and I almost always get the gist of the articles.

Needless to say reading in English is like a breeze. Within minutes I discovered from 8 Days that Lin Chiling, rumoured beau of Jerry Yan, has the most beautiful pair of legs. 'They are reportedly 42 inches long and that's almost four 30cm rulers, okay!', wrote the writer. She takes care of them with bird's nest (apply bird's nest on her legs or eat the bird's nest, that she didn't clarify), using Osim uSqueez and working out on the step machine. That act-cute Fiona Xie will be starring opposite Shawn Yue in a HK movie. Obviously the media is still not letting up on the 'jaw-dropping bad' come-back performance of Britney Spears at the MTV Music Awards. Brad Pitt reportedly claimed that his marriage to Jennifer Aniston was over before he pursued Angelina Jolie (Liar!). Some jokes about Jolin Tsai's G-Force (Are they real?). More new HK dramas, more new HK/Chinese/Asian movies and more new singers/actors whom I have never heard of....

My pressies have definitely spiced up my weekend quite a bit. Thanks to you, gals!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Will Singapore men grow old alone?

Ever wonder why there are so many mixed couples nowadays in Singapore? When I say mixed couples, I mean specifically ang moh men with singapore women. There is such a huge growth in such relationships that it is no longer unusual to see these couples on the street as compared to 20 years ago when all they got were stares from bypassers. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against mixed relationship and I should be the last person to do so because I am married to an ang moh myself. The reason for this entry is I have received comments from not one singapore woman, not five but quite a number of them that they will not date singapore men. They rather date ang moh men. That baffles me and disturbs me at the same time. The first thing which dashed through my mind is, 'what's wrong with singapore men?' Well, the general answer is the singapore men they have dated are either jerks, bastards, good-for-nothings etc. Okay, but it does not mean the rest of the men in singapore are all assholes or good-for-nothings, I heard myself saying. One said, somehow the ones she comes into contact with, colleagues or friends, are often the 'undateable ones'. Another version is our men are not macho enough pyhsically when compared to their western counterparts. Or they can't carry themselves well and have no dress sense.

I caught myself shaking my head after hearing them. Somehow it saddens me. I beg to differ. It is so not true that singapore men are undateable and there are just too many narrow-minded people out there trying to diss these poor guys. I want to speak up for them! I for one have many guy friends and most of them are true gentlemen. They open doors for me, insist on paying my drinks/dinner/movie ticket, see to it that I get home safely (okay, I am certainly not a feminist) and they are also great conversationists, have a sense of humour, carry themselves well and not make a fool of themselves after a few drinks, have great dress sense, some are even talented in their own ways and best of all, filial to their parents. Good sons make good husbands, goes a chinese saying. Yes, some of our guys may be smaller in built but wouldn't it be more awkward to be with one whom your head is only up to his armpit? Think giant and dwarf. Some may ask why did I married an ang moh then. It is very simple, when my blue-eyed destiny came knocking on my door, there is no running away from it. I won't run away from my love. I consider it my loss not to have anything more with these great guys. And I am lucky I get to remain good friends with some of them.

My point is black sheeps tend to be everywhere, including Singapore and the western countries. I don't deny some singapore men can be pain in the ass. Even so I have known ang moh men who can't carry proper conversations, have no sense of humor, are tight bastards because they only pay for their own drinks, still live off their parents, smell bad and dress as if they are living in the 80's. Would any woman date them? Not me, for sure! Just because some women are stuck in their offices all day and don't have the chance or do not want to go out and meet new people give them no right or excuse to diss all singapore men. This just goes to show how limited their mindset is.

No wonder the ang moh men in Asia think they are god-send to the women there. My blood boils each time I see how some women throw themselves at every ang moh men or how these men treat these women with such little respect. No woman should ever be treated in this way.

There are sweet guys and jerks all over the world. I just wish my fellow country-guys are given the chance they deserve and are not being slammed at so quickly simply because of some local pricks or some demeritorious ang moh men.

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white,
So long as it catches mice.
- Deng Xiaoping

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Rock DJ

Fabulous song, great actors, cool cinematography, this video rocks!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ode to a dog

I am a bumaholic
Who loves jerkys and milksticks.
I get my kicks
Watching silly human movie flicks.
Yoda said, hey you chocoholic
After chocolate those paws you should lick!
I didn't understand him and next day in public
I got the damn ticks.
My owners got sick
Of the task of tick-pick.
They found their solution through Nick
And used on me shampoo removing ticks.
At last I am span and spick
Off I go and hang out with my dawg, Mick
Who is cool as sleek.
Together we drool at chicks
And pig out on bullysticks.
I doze off to a land of picnics
And wake up to go for a leak.
Ahhh... Life is a wonderful flick!
- missy hoonie

Friday, September 21, 2007

Our differences

In a few months' time, it'll be my 2 years in Germany. That I survived another year, without running back to Singapore each time I got homesick or had a fight with Rieger, calls for a celebration, doesn’t it? Anything for a little party. Haha… What I wanna say is, these past months have offered me an insight on some of the culture differences we have. I wouldn’t call such differences as culture shock. Growing up in Singapore has at least instilled in me some tolerance towards others’ ways of life. I accept them with a laugh or a shrug most time. But on some occasions, I do roll my eyes like nobody’s business.

These are some of the things I’ve observed:

1. Most Germans drink sparkling water. Still water here is like Perrier in Singapore. People look at me funny whenever I ask for tap water.

2. The Germans do not drink plain hot water. They think it is disgusting.

3. The Germans eat rice with fork and knife.

4. The German words 'Gift' means poison, 'dick' means fat, 'die' means the, 'Rock' means skirt, 'Rat' means piece of advice.

5. If I past someone by in my neighbourhood, there is a high chance this person will greet me with a 'Hello' or 'Good day'. Even a kid does that. My neighbours in Singapore didn't even look at me even though we saw each other in the lift on our way to work almost everyday.

6. It is norm to wear shoes here in other people's houses. I'm seriously not used to that until now and I would ask friends to remove their shoes. While in winter, I try to close one eye cos it would be too cold for them, even with socks.

7. At weddings, friends and relatives would pay tribute to the wedded couple by putting up a skit or sketch which are usually about the funny bits of their courtship/habits/teenage or working life. A live band is often engaged to sing while the guests dance till wee hours of the morning. The guests at our Chinese weddings can't even wait till the last of the dinner course before rushing home.

8. We have curry chicken at Chinese funerals. The Germans eat Schnitzel (similar to our pork cutlet) at theirs and only on the last day of the funeral.

9. We put away pictures of the dead ones to lessen our grief. The Germans put up pictures of them to remember them by.

10. Kids here run around in graveyards, playing or looking for holy water to sprinkle on graves. Our kids rather die than play in there.

11. The Germans celebrate birthdays on the day itself or after. The Chinese do it before or on the day itself. Both consider it to be inauspicious if done otherwise.

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don’t ask why

It’s not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
- Green Day


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Wicked writing

Giving her the eye
A beauty stood on a balcony high,
Sneezed and lost her blue glass eye.
A young man walking down The Strand
Caught the flashing eye-ball one hand.
Invited up to receive her thanks
He drooled on her features, figure, flanks.
While dining on champagne and chicken
These strangers felt their heart beats quicken,
Gazed into each others eyes, imperfections indiscernible,
Including the eye-ball that proved to be returnable.
Over croissants and coffee in the morning
The young man felt suspicion dawning,
Said, "Would you do this for just any passer-by?"
"Oh no!" she said, "He'd have to catch my eye".
By Barney Egan

Monday, September 17, 2007

Kickass granny

This bloke used to smoke pot in his university days and he would dry them religiously in the kitchen of his dorm. One day, his beloved granny turned up for a surprise visit. The two of them had a great time catching up. As night fell, it's time for grandson to go to some wild party while grannny needed her beauty sleep.

As they both sat down for breakfast together the next morning, grannny said, 'I made myself tea last night and I had the best sleep ever since a long time. What tea leaves are those lying around in the kitchen? I have to buy them too!'

Well, surely the bloke wouldn't leave his old granny high and dry. Wahahahaha....

Friday, September 14, 2007

One big happy family

Some friends went to East Germany years ago to visit a friend. Only upon reaching her place did they realise that her parents were separated and that they were still living together and that her mum's boyfriend lived with them and that her dad's girlfriend lived with them too, in a small apartment. Wow, that's so weird.

My imagination then runs wild: The parents didn't have to fight for custody. Daughter would not grow up a twisted psycho killer due to lack of mother/father love. Everyone contributed to the 'Family'. Mum and dad's girlfriend would later give birth to their own children. The kids would run around and play with each other while their dads would look on them dotingly and resume their discussion on football/politics. They lived happily ever after.

Rewind back to when the eldest daughter was 15. Everyone happened to be out one night except for mum's boyfriend and eldest daughter. Mum's boyfriend asked her into his room and then sexually abused her. This happened repeatedly afterwards, while not a soul knew about it. Eldest daughter kept mum, for fear she would ruin the happiness of her family. Finally eldest daughter couldn't take it anymore and committed suicide and no one knew why.

Ok, I got carried away. Must be too much of those dysfunctional family dramas/films/books. The above is of course fictional but it chills my heart to know such things actually do happen in the place where it's often called home. And more often than not, the victims suffer in silence, simply out of fear or fear of being thrown out of the family when such dark secrets are let out and these twisted culprits come away scot free or if found out, they would be sentenced to a few years in jail and get out in no time to hurt other kids again. I get pissed off whenever I read such news because these bastards belong to nowhere else but in jail.

If I had superpower, I would put all these sick psychos behind bars and never ever ever let them out to roam the streets again.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Monster Inc.

This happened last year or sometime before that. Somehow Mr. Rieger needed to write a sms using my nokia phone. Since he is a non-nokia user, he couldn't figure out how to go about sms-ing. Out of frustration, he threw my mobile onto the sofa. I flipped.

Second incident happened few days ago. I called Mr. Rieger in the office to help buy some groceries for me after his work. I needed them for the pot luck party at home the next day. He came home without the eggs. He apologised and said I could always get them the next morning. Reasonable enough but I flipped again. I wanted all the ingredients to be ready as I was going to be real busy the next day. He then drove 10 mins to his parents to get some eggs (shops were closed by then) and 10 mins back. I was so ashamed of myself.

I am bloody guilty now while writing this. I just cannot understand why I can be so evil to the one whom I love and to whom I vow to spend the rest of my life with. I am supposed to be the loving partner. Yes, no one can be nice and loving 24/7. But at times, this dreadful monster just overcomes me and I can be such a bitch for no apparent reasons. There must be something very wrong with me... Like jekyll and hyde. Yet I can't make empty promises that I will change because I know myself so damn well. I will change when the leopard changes its spots.

Am I the only one left on this earth behaving in such a ridiculous way? I am quite certain there are others like me. They could be those whom I see day in day out, hang out with, party with, work with... It's just that we are all hiding behind our masks and no one can tell which one is Mr Hyde or when he is coming...

For the time being I should perhaps do more yoga. Exhaaaaaaale........ Inhaaaaaaale........

Where is Singapore?

At a friend's hen night I was sitting next to this Russian girl who has been living in Germany for the last ten years. We started to make small talk.

She: So tell me, what is Singapore like?
Me: Oh, Singapore is a city, a little like Berlin, London, New York...
She: What kind of food do you normally have in Singapore?
Me: Rice, noodles, fried noodles, meat, vegetables...
She: The food you eat must be very healthy. All the Chinese are so slim and look so young.
Me: Oh no, we do have unhealthy food too, deep fried stuffs, cakes for example..
She: You have cakes in Singapore? What kinds?!
Me, not understanding her reaction: Chocolate cakes, Cheese cakes, Blackforest etc.
She (looking very surprised): Oh...
I continued: You know, we have MacDonald's, Burger King, KFC too...
She: WHAT???!!

That's when I realised she thought Singapore was in some ulu part of China.
______________________________________________
Was introduced to a friend's old schoolmate.

He: Where are you from?
Me: I am from Singapore.
He: Oh, Singapore! From China!
Me: No no... Singapore is not in China. Singapore is in Southeast-asia.
He gave me a blank look.
Me: Singapore is next to Malaysia and Indonesia.
Another blank look.
Me: We are very near to Thailand too.
He: Ah, Thailand! I know Thailand!

But of course, the Germans and Thailand. Hahahaha....

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Matters of the heart Part 2

Months after Ex-Boyfriend and Ex-Girlfriend came back from their holiday, they are still living together in the same apartment, sleeping on the same bed and going about their lives as before except that they have, in theory, broken up. Ex-Boyfriend is very comfortable with the present situation which means no big changes for him, he does not have to be alone and he himself admits he has no guts to explain to family and friends why he initiated the breakup. He won't kick her out of the apartment cos he does not want to be the asshole. Well, who asked for a break-up in the first place? Now the bloody jerk is playing it nice. Which leads to Ex-Girlfriend mistaking his complacency for his unwillingness to let go and refuses to accept that this guy told her months before he does not love her. Meanwhile she looks feebly in the newspapers for new apartments which are either too small, too big, too far, too expensive blah blah blah and continues to bombard us with why did he do this that day, why did he say that, why, why, why, why!!! She also annoys the hell out of us by analysing each thing he says and does while our words of advice fall on deaf ears. Friends find excuses to avoid going out with them and Mr Selfish Chickenshit doesn't understand why.

I suggest Ms Whiny Prideless and Mr Selfish Chickenshit should get back together, in theory or whatever, to make everybody's life, including theirs, easier. Love doesn't matter anymore here since they are both behaving like junveniles. They would get by together. Happy ending.

*Few months later, Ms Whiny Prideless came home early after work to find Mr Selfish Chickenshit shagging another girl in their bed.*

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Berlin 2006

Okay, this is long overdue. I was supposed to post the pix in my online album. But after sorting through 800 over photos (between us and another couple), I lost interest in compiling them. I am posting a couple of them here instead.


Room in the boutique hotel. Real cool room except for the bedsheets which rustled loudly each time we tossed and turned. Didn't sleep well on the first night.


The Aspirin, a product from Germany. 40,000 tonnes of it are sold worldwide each year.


The Reichstag Building, where the German Parliament is held.


This cone-shaped light sculptor is built on top of the Reichstag Building. Its 360 mirrors at the core of the glass cupola funnels daylight into a chamber which converts the light into heating energy.


The Federal Chancellery, Chancellor Angela Merkel's office-cum-residence.



Quartier 206, a mega posh and plush department store.


We stumbled upon an art gallery and found this interesting piece of work.

The Berlin Bear.


The dessert was fantastic!!


Berlin Cathedral, a former court and palace church.

One of the five museums at the Museum Island. Visiting three museums under one day was quite a feat. My legs were so sored thereafter. While the other two were under renovation.

This was at the Hamburger Bahnhof-Museum. Extraordinary pieces of art there. Above were some bookshelves and the books were made of....




Metal!!

Monday, July 16, 2007

33 Degrees

Yesterday was a fruitful day. As we had a few errands to attend to, I had to wake up a little earlier than usual. I am not an early riser so I was already feeling grouchy when I dragged myself off the bed. Went to the bathroom and discovered an angry pimple-like red rash on my cheek! Great start to my day! Showered and had breakfast in my cranky self. Herr Rieger remained cheerful, trying hard not to be affected by me. Smart of him! Left the apartment and were met with a full blast of heatwave. 33 degrees, especially in a car without air-condition. Perfect! Turned up the volume on the radio, trying to forget the heat we were surrounded in. It actually worked. Felt better after humming to a few good tunes.

First destination: WMF. We wanted to try our luck in exchanging our pan, bought a year ago. Either we abused the pan unknowingly or we have no clues how to care for one, because even eggs stuck on it. My Ikea pan works better than it! Since WMF products provide lifetime guarantee, so there we were. To my surprise, we were told a brand new pan will be sent to us. No fuss, no questions asked. And guess what? Our old pan was actually bought during a sale. What a deal! On top of that, we managed to get a sauce ladle which we have been looking for the longest time. It matches our cutlery. Happy!

Next, met Steffen and Isa at Ikea. We needed some furniture to convert our spare room into a study room. After almost 3 hours of shopping, all of us got what we came for.

The heat was unrelenting once we were outside. A few minutes into discussion over where to go for dinner, we decided impromptu to BBQ at Steffen's and Isa's place. Cool idea! We were to get meat while they the side dishes.

We ended up with 10 pieces of assorted meat fillets, 2 fish fillets, 2 kinds of salads and at least 6 assorted bread to share among the 4 of us. Despite that, we finished almost all of it as the food was simply delicious! However, by the time I was working on my last piece of meat, I desperately needed a cup of espresso. After I drained the whole cup at one go, my tummy felt less bloated immediately. Espresso is something which I've grown to love ever since I got here.

The weather cooled down significantly in the late evening and it was very pleasant to sit out and chill. It was also the first time I got to learn more about Steffen and Isa after my one and half year here. Isa and I share a number of similar traits. No wonder both of us are capricorn. Of course Steffen and Herr Rieger have a lot to say about that. Good that they now have each other to confide in about their sometimes unreasonable the other halves.

We stayed well into the night and left feeling good about the day.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Radio Ga Ga

All this while, we didn't have a radio tuner except for a cd player. On days when I'm sick of MTV or CNN, I'll be my own dj, playing favourite tunes on the player. I tried listening to singapore radio stations online. However, it proves to be frustrating as connection is so bad that the music breaks up every now and then. Well, why not try the local radio stations then, I said to myself. To my surprise, the local radio stations are not available online. Or perhaps my german is that bad that I couldn't find the link. Not giving up, I thought, 'Ah ha! I still have the itunes radio!' After going through hundreds of stations and sampling a few, I have yet to find a listenable one.

I do miss dj blabbing away in the background. It just livens up things. In my previous workplaces, it was norm to have music blasting away even when there were meetings going on. In one, almost all of us had our own hi-fi. The office could sound like a pasar malam at times. Other than that, we respected each other's 'music space'. When a good song came on, it perked me up and after humming to it, I felt lighter and worked on harder. I simply loved the vibes. I hardly dreaded going to work. Okay, except when I had to drag myself out of bed in the mornings.

I used to work in the office of a pharmacy years ago. Radio was allowed but the volume was set at the minimal where one could hardly make out anything. A few of us plotted to pump up the volume a little one day. But of course we were found out. Our punishment was no more radio from then on. How rigid!

While I was shuttling between here and singapore not too ago, I did a stint in the bank. It was a mistake. No radio, that goes without saying. All you hear all day were sounds of keyboard typing away and shuffling of papers. Everything was by the book. I avoided going lunch with the colleagues. I rather ate alone. I didn't fit in. I hated it. Like a friend put it, I was soulless.

Some might say it is only music. I say music is joy and it makes a world of difference in life. Imagine a world without music. It would be dull and colourless.

Today we finally received our new tuner. The dj is blabbing away while I am typing away. I can foresee this new toy will be fully utilised by me. Someone is going to regret getting it at all.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Matters of the heart Part 1

One week before their holiday, Boyfriend told Girlfriend of 7 years that he couldn't look her in the eyes and say he loves her. In fact, he isn't even sure if he has ever told her he loves her. Girlfriend didn't say much to that except that she loves him. She is understandably upset and heartbroken. She stays put in his apartment, her reason being they can't simply put off the holiday, something which both of them have been looking forward to for weeks now.

I would not go into the reasons why Boyfriend asks for a breakup. Meanwhile Girlfriend questions over and over again, 'Why? I don't understand why!' After hearing that for the umpteen times, it just drives me up the wall and I give up now trying to find excuses to soften the blow. It is hard going through a breakup, no one can deny that. But not to accept the breakup is another thing. In my opinion, there is no why when a relationship breaks down, especially in situations as mentioned above. Nobody can analyse why someone stops loving another. Love is not Maths, Physics or Chemistry where one can deduce a number of reasons when a formula doesn't work. When it comes to the matters of the heart, no one really knows.

Perhaps Girlfriend is still in denial. Perhaps she needs more time. But after much consoling and empathising, I can't help imagining her in our NS camp with an official shouting at her, 'Wake up your bloody idea!!' Ha! I am in my usual evil self.

Ex-Boyfriend and Ex-Girlfriend are now on holiday together.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Watermelon Martini



My favourite drink when I go clubbing. Usually after a few rounds of it, I would go all merry and start smiling away stupidly. Not that I need a lot of it to achieve that. My clubbing mate once quipped that I would make a cheap date because I am not a heavy drinker and I don't smoke. It takes very little to keep me happy. A good supper after my martinis would keep me especially happy till no end. Supper done and back at home, I would laze on bed and turn on MTV or channel 55 for my daily dose of hk drama before I dozed off to dreamland. Lunch next day at 3 or 4pm. After which, I 'nua' on bed, tuned to Zhen Qing, yet another never-ending hk drama. Napped. By the time I woke up, my head would be throbbing with too much sleep. Ate dinner. Sms-ed friends for coffee. My typical weekend before I joined the rat race again on Monday.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Zephyr

Ever since I was little, I had been fearful of dogs. I could never go near one without running away from it. If I were to see a dog approaching, I would take pains to avoid it, even if it's taking a big detour. Till now, I have never understood why such fears existed in me. Perhaps they seem ferocious whenever they start barking and baring their fangs?

Well, all that changed one day when two dear friends of mine decided to get a dog of their own. My reaction to their intention was, 'If so, I am never gonna go to your place anymore.' Go to their place I did, after much convincing that their little puppy was very timid and shy and that she would run away from me first before I could run away from her. Reluctantly, I agreed to pay them a visit. Not going to their place because of a dog was after all a lame and stupid reason.

Upon setting her first sight on me, the puppy ran away quickly and hid herself in a corner. I didn't even have time to run! My first impression of her was, she was just another dog. Relieved, I let my guards down. Much later, I was sitting on the floor, feeling relaxed and chatting with my friends. Zephyr then started walking slowly towards us. I got a little nervous at once. She came around me to check me out (sniffing me out). I told myself to relax and give her and myself a chance. Taking a deep breath, I took a good look at her. She was indeed shy and timid but very cute. Then she surprised me by sitting down next to me. My friends looked worriedly at me, thinking I might jump and run. On the contrary, I found that gesture of hers sweet and soothing and I couldn't help myself but stroke her. With their big wide eyes, my friends screamed in joy, 'You're stroking a dog!!!' From then on, I fell in love with Zephyr.

One particular incident which I remember vividly. I stayed over at theirs one night. The next morning I felt something wet on my feet and I sat bolt upright and saw Zephyr's cute little face looking up at me and wagging her tail. She was waking me up by licking my feet! Even though I was in my blurry and sleepy state, I had to smile at her.

Zephyr is to me now not just another dog but a being. A being who has emotions, temperaments, likes, dislikes and etc. All thanks to her, I have learned to appreciate other dogs too.

I am often asked if I would want to get a dog for myself. However, I am not confident if I am responsible enough. Dogs are such trusting and loving beings that they give their hearts completely to their owners. I often feel I would let them down if I am unable to give my all to them. It is not just about bringing them out for walks, feeding them and cleaning after them. They need love and attention at the same time too. In doubt that I am able to live up to such responsibilities, I decided against the idea of getting a dog, which results in a guilt in me that I am pushing such responsibilities to others.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Home is where your heart is

Was at a friend's recently to help bao bak chang. My first attempt and certainly won't be my last. My bak changs turned out to be quite alright though they cannot be compared to those sold at the stalls in terms of appearance. Fortunately, the rice from those bak changs I wrapped didnt spilled out while they were boiling in the pot. Phew... And tasty too!

Friends cannot believe that I, one who supposedly do not know how to boil water, or is only capable of frying eggs when it comes to cooking, am now so domesticated. Well, people change due to circumstances, don't they? I am not saying this is entirely bad. I adapt. Instead of bumming around and do nothing all day at home, I choose to do something useful and challenge myself into uncharted territorries like cooking. And I am glad to say, I find joy in my new found hobby. I would never expect myself saying this 3 years ago.

Although I am far away from home, from my beloved friends, from my family, from all things familiar, life here is not that bad after all. I am beginning to embrace my new life here, learning new things everyday and learning to let go a little of what I have been holding on to: I am ceasing to be part of my Back Home gradually. It is a sad fact but this is also the consequence which I have to bear after I have decided to move here. Home is where your heart is. Is it possible to have my heart in two places?

Monday, July 2, 2007

I have a dream

I have a dream that one day the world would be conquered by the English or Chinese language and I didn't need to learn the German language anymore! Hahahaha... No, no, I don't hate the German language. Guess at times I am just too lazy to learn something totally new? Well, I don't mind the learning process really. I often wish I could go to my german class everyday so as to drill this language into me as fast as possible (Yes, I am impatient) and that the course didn't have a break which lasts 3 months. What would I do during such a time? I'm lost without my german course! Haha! So it's plain to see I like to learn. ;-) As the chinese saying goes, Live till old, learn till old.

Talking about chinese, since I've gotten here, I realise I appreciate my chinese roots more than ever. And I am greatly grateful that I speak the language too. Especially when I get to speak it and some ang mohs are around me, it feels damn good that they don't understand a word at all. Like a secret language. Some of my ang mohs friends are surprised that I know language while I am even more surprised that they are surprised. Hello, I am Chinese, after all!

I miss watching chinese dramas/movies/variety shows and listening to chinese music too. The MTV here is crap! Lots of euro trash and commercial pop, hip hop etc. Nothing like the cool videos they show back home, especially Channel 51. Well, I make do with youtube nowadays.