I am a panda bear. Sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes all due to a job which I have applied for. A company was looking for a team assistant who can speak Mandarin and English and to co-ordinate production in China. I seemed to fit the bill. From the day I sent my resume till the day I got to know if I was choosen, the whole job applying process took almost 6 weeks. A whole 6 Weeks!!! My goodness! And I thought the germans are well-known for their efficiency. Well, apparently not on this aspect.
Two weeks after my resume was emailed out, no sound, no nothing from the company. Impatient me, therefore, emailed them again if they have indeed recieved my application. Again, silence for another week. I gave up. They must have found someone. The very next evening, while I was deep frying my shrimp paste chicken wings (with deep fryer now, therefore sans splattering oil), the company called to arrange for an interview in a week's time. My hands were shaking so badly after I hung up the phone. Mr R had to carry on frying those wings instead. My very first job interview in german!!!! What if I screwed it up because my german is not as good as they expected?? What should I say during the interview??? What should I wear? For a long time that evening, I couldn't calm myself down..
I chose not to shout to the world about it because I didn't want to jinx it and what if I didn't get the job. That would be awkward.
One day before the interview, though I slept badly, I was surprisingly sedate. However, it was an entirely different picture during the interview the next day. I was a total nervous wreck. Everyone could hear it from my trembling voice. My german was a mess. All grammars and vocabs forgotten. Rehearsed lines went out of the window. My teacher would certainly cringe in shame listening to me. Nevertheless, the interviewers (all 3 of them) were friendly and tried to put me at ease. After almost 1 hour of accessing me, I was told to wait for their decision. The rest of the day went by with me feeling tensed.
My tension didn't ease up in the following days. The endless waiting is torturous: waiting for that phone call (which would be a good sign), or that email or letter (a bad sign). I was as uptight as a stretched catapult. I couldn't get myself to focus on doing anything else. I didn't really cook, I put off writing assignments given by my teacher, I put off blogging, I had no desire to msn or talk to friends. And all because of one bloody job!!! And the worst part is I let myself get swallowed underneath it all. I hate it when I have no control over things. I am such a control freak, you see. At times, I sadistically wished for a negative answer so as to put an end to all this tiresome and unnecessary waiting.
I saw their email in my inbox today. Bad sign. A fleeting moment of denial made me hesitate for a few seconds before opening the email. And yes, they have decided on someone else. Now I am trying to grapple with the bitter disappointment while consoling myself: it was afterall my first interview in Germany and I seriously couldn't expect too much from it. It would be quite a miracle if I got the job, considering how I screwed it up. Anyhow, I can continue to be my old bumming-self and not have to wake up for work when the sky is still dark. Friends envy me for that. At least that thought brings a small smile to my face.
There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
- Jane Austen
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