Do one thing everyday that frightens you

Here

From the creek of spidery veins and bowel of an old soul,
Words spill, staining the pixels a bright red wine.
Like a clean-eating diet,
Freeing me, detoxing me.
Onto digital stones I inscribe my ink.
The bleeding is honest, true and raw red.
But my skepticism lurks like a shadowy presence,
Coercing me into fits of diffidence,
As doubts of self-worth and ability take roots.

4 years of nurturing the precious growing flower.
Those are not wasted years.
But I stand on the world stage
Eager to perform
Again, today is not the day to shine.
My personhood seems to be welled within the four walls we live in.

Enduring sliver fumes of longing,
I do not regret
For the moves I have made,
For what I have lost.
I linger lesser
In the landscape of a past long gone.

The riches I have now,
The evolved self, dropping words and baring soul,
Clinging to the perfume of hopeful dreams,
All would not be,
If I didn't leave behind the castle of my home
and cross the oceans to build a new world
Of spices, chicken rice and Sun Wukong,
Of Schäwbisch, Schnitzel and Kindergarten.

Let the powdery sand slip through my fingers
It proves futile to hold on to.
Let me count my wealth
They grow in my heart.
Let me drink and taste and embrace the here.
Because here I am.

I thought long and hard about posting the above poem on this space. The fact that a notable literary site has rejected it makes the idea even more terrifying. As much as I believe writing is to bare one's soul, the mere thought of allowing friends and strangers have access to my fears and vulnerabilities frightens me. Strangely I am unfazed if it gets published on a well-known platform but on this puny stage, it suddenly feels like I am strutting my own feathers. Already the poem is not endorsed by the experts. Where would I hide my vain pride if others respond to my naked honesty with ridicule and scorn? Like everybody else, I seek approval.

Will Self's reflection on failure however changed my mind: 'But a creative life cannot be sustained by approval, any more than it can be destroyed by criticism – you learn this as you go on.'

I need to get past my insecurities and find the strength and courage to face my fears. In other words, to be more thick-skinned. :)