"To live without remembering may be the secret of the gods."

"To learn above all, to distrust memory. What we believe we remember is completely alien to, completely different from what really happened. So many moments of irritating, wearisome disgusts are returned to us years later by memory as splendidly happy episodes. Nostalgia is the lie that speeds our approach to death. To live without remembering may be the secret of the gods." - Maqroll the Gaviero in The Adventures and Misadventures of Maqroll

The passage brings to mind a treasured childhood memory of being fed Yong Tau Foo drenched in sweet sauce while sitting contentedly on the lap of my grandmother on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Years later, the search for Yong Tau Foo which bears the exact same taste etched in my nostalgia proves in vain. As with most food, the Yong Tau Foo sold these days don't taste like they used to. The ingredients and methods go into preparing it must have undergone changes in the hands of the younger generation. I still love a good bowl of Yong Tau Foo soaked in plenty of chilli sauce but sadly each bite of it is not accompanied by any faint reliving of that same taste. I am not transported back to those simple days of playing in grandma's attap house, watching my uncles burning red ants, my mum showering us out in the open with cold water or does it stir fond emotion of warmth and joy on our faces. But it is because I remember, therefore I try to recall and to retrieve the emotional essence of what happened a lifetime ago. While I understand the disappointments these nostalgic memories sometimes tend to bring, to live without remembering would mean a life that is empty and meaningless. I do not want to be stuck in time and just be living in the present and not have a narrative of my past. Our recollection of a particular moment, a memorable event, a strange cousin, or even a painful experience serves as a form of our autobiography. Not only are our memories essential, they also define us and give us a sense of personal identity. Without which, we all would have no sense of self to speak of.